It’s always been you.

This is a weird one for me because I’m sure I sound crazy, but here I am laying in bed scrolling social trying to figure out content to post for all these accounts I have. Sometimes I feel like I live a double life where I try to be something to someone and then another thing to someone else. Ultimately, we go through life and we change. Like all the time. If you aren’t changing then you aren’t growing. So I got to thinking about how our inner circle changes at all these stages in our lives. Like we are born and raised by our parents and that is all we know. They are our immediate family and our everything. Then you go to college and you live with friends. Now they are your go-to peeps. Then you figure out your job and date and end up living with new friends and then eventually your spouse. From there you have your own kids and start the immediate family being the most important all over again, this time as the parent. Eventually your kids will grown up, go to college, get a job, live with others, then do the same cycle again but in a different role. Us current parents will go back to living with just your spouse and take on a new role as the visiting grandparents and hopefully have some friends too. But like, as we go through all this, our inner circle has been changing. The only constant in our lives is ourselves. Isn’t that crazy? That you have been with yourself, feeling what you felt, going through what you went through, and you still have you. Your spouse didn’t get to see you as a kid. Your parents didn’t get to see you after college. Your kids will never see you as the person you were before them. All they know is you as a parent. And I’ve only been a parent for less than 6 years! I’ve been a different person for the other 32. Why is this mind blowing? Probably because I’m having the revelation that your own mind and body is all you have. Your brain has been through a lot. And you’ve always been there for you. You show up. You have the thoughts. The feelings. The breakdowns. The emotions. The moments. You created this life you’re living, no one else. You deserve to give yourself a high five and pat on the back. You figured it all out. When you doubted yourself, you pulled it off. When you were crying, you eventually smiled. When you felt alone, you had your own back. YOU ARE THE REASON YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE TODAY. Not sure why I yelled that but I’m just feeling so passionate about this right now. I feel this overwhelming confidence that I have done a great job and want to make myself proud. Thinking of myself as a little girl, and then thinking of myself as an old person (you know what I mean) — I just want to make all versions of myself proud, because at the end of the day, it was always you, just you.

hugs,

Casey